| fashion shoots with beck and hanson, coutrney love and marilyn manson |
[09 Jul 2008|10:54am] |
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music |
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currently? losing my religion. REM! |
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so yesterday, after writing a rant about not writing, i wrote. quite a bit, actually.
let's see if it works two days in a row.
back at work, drinking coffee drinking cold coffee...the half and half was spoiled so it's black. i don't do sugar in my cawfs. the nineties music is blaring here at job number one. they say the nineties are back in style. i find that funny becuse the nineties have BEEN in style as far as i'm concerned...ever since the nineties, or maybe even earlier. say, in the eighties, when the They decided they were up for a new radical sort of change. i would say that myself and my good friend shelley hubes are the two biggest and finest proponents of the nineties, save, like, the seattle grunge scene.
i call my two jobs "fashion job" and "famous job"; the first because i work as a receptionist for an agency that staffs for the fashion industry, the second because i work at a society club where i meet famous people all the time. both include valuable time spent smiling, greetin peeps, and lookin at computers. both also have cushy chairs.
i got a birthday package in the mail from my mother. it contained a sweet all-purpose cookbook, 6 shiny new placemats and shiny matching napkins, a cd of "dinner party music," and a cocktail dress ripe for hosting. all this because i called her in excitement over a "recipe" i "created." my mother is cute. her book comes out in january.
(you want my recipe? here it is: take all of your favorite foods and throw them in a pan with some olive oil. i used mushrooms and a whole thing of garlic and some prosciutto and basil and spinach and baby tamaties. and noodles and wine. )
i recently told someone that one of my ex-boyfriends looks like a loaf of peasant bread. thanks, yung-i, for telling me what peasant bread is. the analogy would not have existed without your brevity, wit, and joy of cooking. ps. your birthday is coming up soon, and we have to meet dave...
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[08 Jul 2008|12:40pm] |
i am in a writing rut. a riting wrut. a righting rutt. a banana fana fo fighting fut, me mi mo mighting mutt, WRITING!
(rut.)
I told myself that FROM NOW [then] ON I would write every day.
Does this count? Probably not, porbably nort, proobably noot, probs ns.
The They (Das Man) They say that ya gotta write every day and yer shitll get better. More sofissticated-like. I just spent three days on Stevo's dad's pup farm watching Chris Chan get up as the first obtuse angle of sunray would slightly bump into the roof of the Bomb Diggity. Then he would march, as any freshly weaned disciple of Ruben's Thailand would, toward the woodsy cabin kitchen, and set his egg timer over and over for an hour, using it to gage the scribbles in his notebook or the clanks of his laptop keys. And I would sort of wake up usually around nine or eight thirty, walk around aimlessly, draw in my journal or write things about how cute the puppies are and sort of feel foolish and drink too much coffee and have to pee, foolishly. And then go back to sleep until eleven.
I need a change of routine. And an egg timer.
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[30 Jun 2008|06:36pm] |
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birthdays are strange. this one is, so far, the strangest. i awoke with a sappy soppy headache and a penchant for blobbery. i was bestowed graciously with water and bread. it was all a sign- my debauching of the night previous had taken a toll. all day i've been at work sort of zombieing my way through my to-dos. they gave me a $100 gift card to a spa in soho. i was thinking about seeing wall*e but all i want is to curl up in my very, very unmade bed. i also have laundry to do. maybe i'll check the mail. or take out the trash...it's a topsy turvy existence i lead, full of woozing and boozing and snoozing. and noodles. and talking to my mom on the phone. and manicure-drink specials. and music of the nineties.
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[23 Jun 2008|07:58pm] |
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i am a blur.
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| i'm losing my mind in the best of ways |
[12 May 2008|11:30pm] |
i graduate from mackaw-ledge in like 36 hours.
things have come full circle, i think. in terms of like hilarity.
here are updates, a list, of life and its terms and terminologies, and terminations, and not termites.
hmmm
i am currently employed by four [4] dudes ie companies. one [1] of them expires upon throwing Cap in air, as it is workstudy. one [1] i am quitting in like a day. one [1] calls for my to buy new and expensive-looking cloth pieces. one [1] is full-time, with benefits and 401 [four oh one] things and a gym membership and my very own headset.
oooh
maybe some plays might go up around here written by me or i might get that spot at the soho thing or my talks with those artistic guys might go well and maybe people will read my work and pay me. maybe i might have an audition or two that are pretty sweet or maybe might me my own one won woman women show starring me might become more than just one monologue. also maybe i will start making music and sing at a pub hopefully owned by joe meaning mjoseph papp but you know that probably won't happen for another year or three.
ahhh
i don't like dates and i don't want to go on any. i am infatuated by about 37 [thirty seven] people, and i am in love i think with one [1] of them. how i know is i ran into him on the street in the rain and he was wet and smoking a cigarette and i held my umbrella over us both and neither of us could stop smiling, and we talked about unimportant things and just stared at each other and smiled, and then he decided he had to go (in the flashiest of flashes, his mind is made up about things) and he kissed my cheek and strolled away. and then when i got to where i was going (a meeting of minds), i spoked with the clarity and eloquence of someone much older than i usually am in theory.
another way how i know is that i told him one [1] time a year ago that i loved him, and in response he said only
"thank you."
which angered me for a time,
but now, now, i am free to stare at him and smile, and he knows, and so he stares back, and smiles, because he knows, and why should people hide things from others? now, we can talk about anything, because what is there to talk about that is any more important than that? and why would i want to go on dates with thirty seven [37] people, or this one [1] person, because what is more worthwhile than knowledge? he knows, enough.
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| v'day rhymes with bidet |
[13 Feb 2008|12:52am] |
who's excited for valentine's day? me! i am TOTALLY excited because it's just this worthwhile holiday where everyone feels equally loved and respected as, like, humans, which is what we all are. together. it's just so inspiring, you know? i know. when i look at my species, i just want to shower them with tiny chalk-flavored hearts that remind them to "love me" and "fax me" and "be mine." and i think, i really do think, that as those chalky raindrops hit the faces of the collective and fall effortlessly onto the cement beneath their feet, those wonderful people will pick them up and they will remember. they will remember everything.
and they will laugh, oh how they will laugh, and they will all put the heart to their mouth and they will taste a bite of that sweet, sweet chalk, and in that instant the chalk will sieze them. it will take over their tongues, their throats, their chests, and pretty soon they will be made entirely out of chalk, and there will be no actual heart, or skin, or essence left of that person. and then we will all walk the streets and leave dusty footprints as we walk, and we will walk and walk until we are nothing but trails of chalk on city pavement, and then the wind will carry our chalk dust ashes away, like erasers of the universe clapping our personal histories into the harvestlands land of invisible ether. and all that will be left of us is the memory of one sanguine, special holiday. forever. in the hearts of nonexistant men.
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[04 Feb 2008|11:43pm] |
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i am pissed off about so many things right now.
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[20 Jan 2008|02:13pm] |
my room is the cleanest it has ever been!
time to buy chairs
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[05 Jan 2008|12:59pm] |
what should i do with my life?
wahhh, angst angst angst, i'm oldy peaches, blah blah livejournal blah.
i'm going to spend time with my planner.
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[26 Dec 2007|12:34am] |
sardonic
whimsy
protrusion
iconoclast
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[29 Nov 2007|10:02am] |
i'm going to write a post!
i am writing a post.
this post is being written by me and i am writing this post.
this post, having writlike qualities, is conceived by me and carried out by me is this post.
writing a post is what i am doing
i write this post as i am writing this post.
i am writing this post.
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[30 Oct 2007|09:16am] |
it's weird how, as i write the play about the boy who never grows up, i can feel myself grow and grow and grow.
up and up and up!
there's a chappy in charlie and the choc fac (totes luv abbreves) called up and out. it's the chapter when the elevator breaks through the roof of the building and they watch as the hot messes of other kids and their parents come scraggling out of the side door. augustus is shaped like a metal pipe, violet is still violet, violet, mike teevee is stretched twenty feet long, that dumb bitch is covered in trash. charlie is up in the air with a funny old gene wilder type and his funny old grandpa joe. and then they crash land inside the bucket house, probably smashing that cauldron of boiling clothes that his movie mom sings "cheer up charlie" whilst stirring, and somehow they live happily ever after.
out is X and up is Y, on a coordinate plane. i remember using that chapter to help me remember how to graph in like 5th grade.
the point IS...there is no point. yay childhood? yay for now.
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[23 Oct 2007|09:06am] |
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i'm in deep shit, ahhhh
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[09 Oct 2007|11:06am] |
i'm tired! it's awesome though.
wha na naaaaa, jack bandit
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[25 Sep 2007|10:06am] |
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I have so much to do! And nary the care to do it. Ohhh Husserl.
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[13 Sep 2007|10:31am] |
my classes are the shit!
monday- etw (it hurts so good!)
945- voice
1200- acting
330- movement
tuesday- academia
11- existentialism and phenomenology (it's soooo 4.48 psychosis)
2- the english novel of the 19th century (pride and PREJ?! wuthering HEIGHTS?!?!)
355- e and p breakdown (geeky cool ta)
445- english novel breakdown (hilarious dry ta)
wednesday
see monday
thursday
11- e and p
2- english novel
friday
see wednesday
usually, i have work at the office on tues and thurs before class starts
also usually, i have galileo rehearsal at 7
when i don't have that, i work at chinatown brizzle
and for the next two weeks, i workshop peter pan until midnight
sometimes i write with lindsay. and i am thinking about possible indie projects for next semester.
my room is so cute. i'm fixing things with money. i am so happyyyy, mostly due to tr'track and p'pan and y'know other things. the only thing that is less-than is that i wish i could see me friendlies more often. as you can see, i am quite busy. again.
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[30 Aug 2007|11:09pm] |
tonight is the last night of summer.
well, that's not entirely so, but figuratively, i guess it is. tomorrow i begin a new chapter of my life, a chapter entitled "off campus housing." the first sentence will probably be "once upon a time, jaclyn moved to spanish harlem with yael and liz." only i will have to wait to write that sentence until i am indeed upon the time. for now, or the next couple of hours, the time is upon me. so i will do what i do best, which is muse aimlessly.
this summer has been a very interesting one. it's a lot better than last summer, which i have in retrospect deemed a sham because of my constant state of bronchial self-loathing. that disease or syndrome exhibited symptoms well into the semester. sure, there were some definite good times last summer, but i was under pressure from some invisible force to Be some fantastical thing and Understand when I didn't turn out as such. and then i entered the school year with a mind well-scrambled and a hairless head full of existential crises.
BUUUUT this summer, the hair has grown back and the crises have been tamed to mere puddles of "i wonder what" and i have let go of trying to Be and just being myself. and not really dipping any hands into "work" but working for myself and writing here and there and laughing a lot and letting my heart wish for what it would.
i was as honest as i was. i walked home at three am for that. and my heart broke a few times, for myself, for others. things go on as they do. i sometimes whisper unwarranted apologies in hopes that the wind will carry them to a rightful ear. i sometimes regret some things. during those times, i eat whatever i want to or watch crappy television.
i've made a fool of myself a bunch, but so far i've shrugged my shoulders.
i went to the gym zero times.
i had a handful of life-defining moments, like seeing paul mccartney or frolicking in the woods. i was given the truth from a person who i thought only capable of lies. i made some friends and kept some old. i finished harry potterrrrr. i ate lobster cream cheese sticks next to tyra banks. i turned twenty one.
and so ends my eulogy for a summer that is not really over and in its stead i celebrate the time spent less on caring about who i might be and more on CHILLAXINNNN.
and with that, i should pack some mo'
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[17 Aug 2007|02:35pm] |
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people are hot messes!
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[10 Aug 2007|04:02pm] |
from this moment on, i'm saving up to buy a new computer, and to pay my rent, and to furnish things and pay my bills, and eating well via cooking. no more restaurant splurging (save once for alyssa's 21) ! no more clothes (unless it's something red) ! no more unneccesary impulse buys (unless they're tickets for rufus wainwright on august 19th) !
clearly, i will abide by these rules.
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[31 Jul 2007|12:04pm] |
i'm fixing a hole
where the rain gets in.
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