Clearly, you've never been to Singapore.

tangential

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 08:01:42 GMT

My Sharona is a creepy song! Why did I dance to it in my cow piece that time? I guess my cow piece was creepy. I wrote it while I was in love with three boys and I had no hair and I duct taped my own mouth a few times. Once the duct tape got caught in my hair as it was growing back, it must have been later in the semester, and I had to rip some of my hair out during the piece. I think people winced. I winced. That was the same semester I played a wolf-boy in that show. I was lost and pretending to know where I was and pretending to be something I was not. Sometimes, art imitates life. Others, life imitates art. Remember this, fellows!

I am feeling strangely vibrant, and most people are asleep.

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 02:36:34 GMT

just got back from dc. i'm totally wiped out. i can't even think about the thousands of things i have on my to do list.

i mean, i can think about them. actually doing them is a whole different story

http://gawker.com/5136929/a-closer-look-at-the-academy-award-nominations

that is a funny article on the oscar nominations

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/22/arts/music/22conc.html?emc=eta1

this is an article with the best picture of the obamas ever taken.

a dream, a dream, a dream come true.

things i feel of the year

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 16:49:12 GMT

2008 is a year i fell in love most truly. of course, i suppose each love is truer than the last, for we grow deeper and truer with each. without the past, we would not find our present.

i have felt great sadness and great success, great awkwardness great triumph, great heart-swellings and great emptiness, great confusion and great clarity, all in moments.

"do you know what i mean?"

i had a play i wrote go up, i had it produced for further workshopping, i wrote a second play and had people read it.

i began but have yet to finish learning my own process.

i learned that one must make their own way.

another thing i learned is this: easier to smile than to sour. for me at least. if you are the opposite, i don't have time.

i discovered my penchant for alphabetizing.

i graduated college! with one o them gold tassels.

i did not read enough, but i read some good shit.

i saw a lot more movies this year than usual. thanks, dates and netflix!

the 90s were sweet.

more stuff.

2009 will be: travel, writing, travel writing, cooking for myself, cooking for my friends, proactivity.

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:09:29 GMT

i am so, so anxious today. i cannot shake this feeling. just pure dread. knots in my stomach. it's been awhile since i have felt this way.

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 21:51:50 GMT

gubernatorial

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 21:58:46 GMT

oh my goodness. mood swings. not only mood swings. productivity swings! identity swings! energy swings! tire swings!

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 18:08:32 GMT

an age of letters. heard that

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 21:19:32 GMT

talking with someone awhile about love. seeing a few pertainings on/about love. a morning, a night, an afternoon, a life to ruminate, posit, stew, accept, deny, mull over, affirm, ascertain, acquiesce, acquaint, acquire. know, not.

i have spent my last year learning love. i have learned much and i have much to learn.

last night i pulled out an old letter. i sent it maybe..well, perhaps 8 months ago. it was a very beautiful letter, a very mean one. i was perhaps very beautiful and mean at the time. for all i know, it was received and read. whether this is true, i will never know, and i never hope to.

i also pulled out a play i wrote, that i have been writing for perhaps 12 months now. it was and still is hopefully a very good play. i remember starting it under the guise of a person, adapting it in the fragmented haze of another, annihilating its worth after the hard hit of one more, and finally letting it rest neath the shade of a lamp, its dimly lit shadow casting a palor that read "inspired softly by No One."

i also watched "Pride and Prejudice" and shed a tear or four.

i don't know why love makes people so sad. i don't know why it makes people so happy. all i know is i am happy inexplicably now, where i was once sad and empty. and the Thing will ebb and flow as it has for all time. and i must not sit and wait for the time that comes (in gradual shifting, in absence, in fracture, in death) when so much loveliness is before me as i am now writing.

something is happening

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 18:42:15 GMT

i have so many little things to do, tiny tiny errands and importances, and i must do them all at once, and i have a sunday free to do them.

what do i do instead?

i read an entire book. "the road." pretty amazing, but not on my to do list.

oh well!

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 19:19:52 GMT

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 16:30:21 GMT

i am getting there.

i recently made a list, aptly titled "What I Got Goin." it is comprised of reasons why my life is sweet, career-wise. i compiled them upon completion of an event, aptly titled "My Worst Audition Ever." look on the bright side, i say! because otherwise, i just focus on the stupid stuff, and i don't wanna be forever wallowin.

and here's my list of whys and hows.

-Naked Angels: The beauties at this theatre company have offered Andrew Neispop and I free space for a month to further develop Peter. And I will also have a playwright mentor, one who is also a lady and who gets paid for what she does. This is heavenly.

-Tectonic: I will start reading plays for them soon! Not for money, but definitely for fun.

-In the past few months, I have applied for the HotInk Festival, The Soho Rep Writers and Directors Lab, and the Public Emerging Writers Group.

-I have been named Literary Manager of the Centrifuge (hee ho heh ha hoo). My first project will initiate in January.

-Soon I will start working with Reshmi on her NYTW Fellowship project.

-I am going to write myself a one-woman show.

-I might audition (and well, this time!) for The Bats on Saturday.

-I am writing songs with my dear friend AC

-I am helping to unearth the framework of a new something with some people.

It went from so specific to so, so vague! Such is life. I'm seeing Hairspray for free tonight, and then I have There Will Be Blood waiting for me at home.

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 15:44:09 GMT

i am incredibly nervous about about about industry night auditions, auditions for a night which is only that, a night of industry. nights of my life have been more harrowing. industries can be rather industrious. i wish i could just roll around in studio five a little bit, do a voice warm up, do a cat, get in my body, feel comfortable acting. it's crazy but it's been awhile. i am a summer slob, and all i do is write. if that.

it doesn't help that i am jittery from too much coffee, or that tonight is also the first night of peter 2: workshop in a warehouse. in these times, i need marleen, or tina, or rain or kevin or lisa or richard, or paul. or i need meeeee to figure out how to do it without them.

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 14:58:07 GMT

i have been mood swinging all morning. it all started, i am sure, with the very work-related and quasi terrifying dream i had last night. in my dream, a woman i work with was being severely beaten by her husband in a room adjacent to the one i was in, and as i explored the hallways looking for them and following their screams, i realized that we were not in a building, oh no. we were at the amusement park at coney island. and then all of a sudden, i was holding on to the outside of one of the cars of the ferris wheel, and being whipped around at a dizzying speed because the ferris wheel was not just the ferris wheel, but also the cyclone, and when i came down from the coasterferris hybrid, i saw clusters and commotions of people and i filtered through them and tiki torches to find that my employee and everyone i knew had disappeared, and then yael checked my bank account and i only had 18 dollars, which was a problem, but at least my roommates owe me $30 for the electric bill and the abusive husband owes me $150 for fixing lightbulbs.

so my morning has been up and down, and shifty sideways, whipping and zipping through various emotions. i feel stressed, then free, then morose, then elated then hungry, then sad, then giggly, then powerful, then meek, then industrious, then lazy, then beautiful, then flawed.

i suppose i am all of those things at once. i am a balance.

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 18:52:20 GMT

i'm starting a new blog in accordance with my intermittent snack emails.

if you are not familiar with these emails, i am going to start backlogging on the site.

the site itself is

http://thesearesnacks.blogspot.com

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 16:45:35 GMT

the poopsmith.

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 15:11:36 GMT

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 16:21:25 GMT

today, my brother and i are going on a road trip up to black canyon city. we will eat pie, ask questions to locals, take video footage, and find jack swilling's house.

it will forever be known as

GHOST TRIP 2008

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 16:57:08 GMT

it's weird having a salary job. also, it's weird that writers block isn't real but i make it so.

free your mind, and the rest will follow.

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:02:54 GMT

i'm seeing the dark knight toknight and i'm stooooked

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 16:50:58 GMT

HILARIOUS

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 16:18:14 GMT

an amazing workshop last night + cake + david "terrifying" morris + characterscharactersamazingpeople + inspiration + fatty cells + pad thai eggy eggs + mojito + mojito + chance happenings + some lovely lady friends + neisback productions + hanging out with ellie for serious! + realizing we are cut of the same cloth, + jaunts to clinton and delance + rooftop oases + "you guys look really good together" + spying on some serious chats :) + margaritaaaa + pondwater + icky icky clove + sloppy cab-hailing kisses + making my bed and lying in it + the lingering promise of cookies

=

i am happy today

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 16:47:41 GMT

long day ahead. trudge.

i have to trudge to sludge to get to the promised land.

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 20:27:26 GMT

total eclipse of the heart is playing at work. this is my go-to karaoke song, but only with a group of two or more. otherwise, the back-and-forth-dude-to-chick-singing-to-each-other effect gets lost in the shuffle. but yeah, bonnie tyler is pret-ty geenyus.

one erstwhile night this week (yesterday) i went to trivia night at crocodile lounge. we tied for third but lost the tiebreaker in a lightning round. our downfall? "which president had an insatiable appetite for jellybeans?"

the answer? ronald reagan. and with that, the banana hamocks were downsized to fourth. ie, no free bar tab, or $20 bar tab, or even $10 bar tab.

needless to say, we will be avenging our sore loss.

i also saw THE WACKNESS. which is totally a throwback to the 90s, which are currently my favorite time period to remenisce about. who's excited for the remake of 90210? me! i mean, i never watched the first one. y'know. mom thought it was "too racy."

fashion shoots with beck and hanson, coutrney love and marilyn manson

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 16:42:32 GMT

so yesterday, after writing a rant about not writing, i wrote. quite a bit, actually.

let's see if it works two days in a row.

back at work, drinking coffee drinking cold coffee...the half and half was spoiled so it's black. i don't do sugar in my cawfs. the nineties music is blaring here at job number one. they say the nineties are back in style. i find that funny becuse the nineties have BEEN in style as far as i'm concerned...ever since the nineties, or maybe even earlier. say, in the eighties, when the They decided they were up for a new radical sort of change. i would say that myself and my good friend shelley hubes are the two biggest and finest proponents of the nineties, save, like, the seattle grunge scene.

i call my two jobs "fashion job" and "famous job"; the first because i work as a receptionist for an agency that staffs for the fashion industry, the second because i work at a society club where i meet famous people all the time. both include valuable time spent smiling, greetin peeps, and lookin at computers. both also have cushy chairs.

i got a birthday package in the mail from my mother. it contained a sweet all-purpose cookbook, 6 shiny new placemats and shiny matching napkins, a cd of "dinner party music," and a cocktail dress ripe for hosting. all this because i called her in excitement over a "recipe" i "created." my mother is cute. her book comes out in january.

(you want my recipe? here it is: take all of your favorite foods and throw them in a pan with some olive oil. i used mushrooms and a whole thing of garlic and some prosciutto and basil and spinach and baby tamaties. and noodles and wine. )

i recently told someone that one of my ex-boyfriends looks like a loaf of peasant bread. thanks, yung-i, for telling me what peasant bread is. the analogy would not have existed without your brevity, wit, and joy of cooking. ps. your birthday is coming up soon, and we have to meet dave...

plaster

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:54:25 GMT

i am in a writing rut. a riting wrut. a righting rutt. a banana fana fo fighting fut, me mi mo mighting mutt, WRITING!

(rut.)

I told myself that FROM NOW [then] ON I would write every day.
Does this count? Probably not, porbably nort, proobably noot, probs ns.

The They (Das Man) They say that ya gotta write every day and yer shitll get better. More sofissticated-like. I just spent three days on Stevo's dad's pup farm watching Chris Chan get up as the first obtuse angle of sunray would slightly bump into the roof of the Bomb Diggity. Then he would march, as any freshly weaned disciple of Ruben's Thailand would, toward the woodsy cabin kitchen, and set his egg timer over and over for an hour, using it to gage the scribbles in his notebook or the clanks of his laptop keys. And I would sort of wake up usually around nine or eight thirty, walk around aimlessly, draw in my journal or write things about how cute the puppies are and sort of feel foolish and drink too much coffee and have to pee, foolishly. And then go back to sleep until eleven.

I need a change of routine. And an egg timer.